Grey

The sky is grey, the sand is grey, and the ocean is grey. I feel right at home in this stunning monochrome, alone in my way. I smoke and I drink and every time I blink I have a tiny dream. But as bad as I am I'm proud of the fact that I'm worse than I seem. What kind of paradise am I looking for? I've got everything I want and still I want more. Maybe some tiny shiny thing will wash up on the shore. You walk through my walls like a ghost on TVYou penetrate me and my little pink heart is on its little brown raft floating out to sea. And what can I say but I'm wired this way and you're wired to meAnd what can I do but wallow in you unintentionally? What kind of paradise am I looking for?I've got everything I want and still I want more. Maybe some tiny shiny key will wash up on the shore. Regretfully, I guess I've got three simple things to say. Why me? Why this now? Why this way? Overtone's ringing, undertow's pulling away under a sky that is grey on sand That is grey by an ocean that's grey. What kind of paradise am I looking for? I've got everything I want and still I want more. Maybe some tiny shiny key will wash up on the shore.

Oregon Hill

Baltimore 35mm

Catie

archiving

I was going through some prints and realised that I have some really precious pictures that I dont even have digital copies of. Im going to take my negatives and prints into web design class early so I can scan some things. Darkroom was never really my thing before college but I have some awesome shots that need to be documented or I may lose them. Some of the stuff was printed neatly too.



Ill have to post some later.



Scared of losing stuff :-/

blanking

I'm supposed to be writing a proposal for my documentary class. I am stressing out about the whole process. What do I want to write about/photograph? I'm not quite sure. I know what my interests are but I feel like I need to do something different...

Why do transgender issues always pop into my head first? It always intrigues me. I don't have any issue with my assigned sex. I am female... I may not fit the stereotypes and gender roles for women but I am very comfortable in my skin.

oi

Vent

I ran two miles as quickly as my legs could go watching the muscles flex in the mirror. Music would make everything better but I sold my Ipod over a year ago. Christmas didn’t produce one this year but that’s not so important. Im sure that I finished quicker than the last time I did it. I get some water and then do the stairs. I really should be working out more often.

I left the gym without a cool down. Walking into the locker room the first thing I did was look in the mirror and fix my headband. My face is dewy and flushed, looks like I actually did something. I’m always amused when my skin turns red since Im darker complected. I just feel so warm. Working out is definitely beneficial to my anxiety but my heart was still going. I opened my locker and got out my hoodie and cell phone. No text messages. I really am too attached to my cell phone and am somewhat surprised I am able to leave it in the locker to begin with.

Back outside into the cold. The brisk air feels good on my face. I sort of wish I could just run home, just keep running. The reality is that I would probably freeze once my body cools down and my sweat is slick against my body. Run run run… My thoughts are running that’s for sure. :sigh: As I walk to my car I call my girlfriend. I know she is busy but her voice is all I need sometimes. Spontaneity makes me ask her if I can stop by but as soon as the words come out of my mouth I know its not really an option. She has a lot of work to do.

I sat outside in my car trying to settle down. Energy drinks definitely don’t help a pacing heart. I had one earlier today and Im pretty sure that contributed to my stress. Breathe in, breathe out. I am extremely uncomfortable with feeling so unbalanced. I want to be a strong person that has total control of my feelings.

This was typed in Microsoft Word because my internet is being weird. On a lighter note….MW tells me I use a lot of passive voice but I really don’t care. I cannot write well but I attempt to now and then. It atleast makes me feel better.